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Musings of a Mother | The start of a beautiful journey – Quran memorisation!

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MashaAllah TabarakaAllah! Our hifdh journey is on its way and our two eldest have completed memorisation of Juz Amma- the 30th part of the Holy Quran.

There is still a long way to go and as I always tell the children…recitation, memorisation and revision will be a part of their daily routine for the rest of their lives inshaAllah.

As a parent, I also have learnt so much. I had no experience of hifdh and honestly speaking really didn’t have much idea of what I was doing. Surprisingly, I have found at times to have experienced moments of self-doubt about whether I was able to guide and support my children sufficiently, at times waves of exhaustion due to other “life” things happening and wondering if we should continue as well as flickers of hope – that “yes, inshaAllah we can do this!”. To be honest I still sometimes wonder at what I’m doing and if its the right way…

One thing is for sure, it has bonded me with my children in a way I never imagined and could only dream of and inshaAllah will continue to do so! I would say to anyone out there considering taking this journey either for yourself or your children, just say “Bismillah” and go for it! If our intentions are pure and for the sake of Allah swt then Allah swt will grant blessing in it inshaAllah.

For whoever is undertaking this blessed journey, may Allah swt make it easy, swift, smooth, correct, fulfilling and full of rewards beyond imagination. Aameen ya Rabbul Alameen! ❤️

Musings of a traveller | Istanbul

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SubhanAllah from all the places I have visited so far, magnificent Istanbul is still top of the list!

I hope this brief post about my recent five day trip there gives some insight and help to anyone thinking of visiting inshaAllah!

Day 1:

On my very first day I headed straight for Sultanahmet Mosque aka The Blue Mosque. An absolute must see, though some parts of it are being refurbished, it really makes you appreciate the time,cost and effort the government must take to look after such beautiful historical buildings.

Free to enter, anytime for muslims (during prayer times) and for everyone else at other times. Modest dress is required.

Right opposite the Blue Mosque is the Hagia Sofia aka Aya Sofia in Sultanahmet.

The entry fee is 60TL (£8.50) p/person, definitely well worth it!

The Hagia Sofia used to be a church and later became a mosque, hence the combination of the Christian murals and ornate Arabic calligraphy.

My favourite section is inside towards the front, right above where the mimbar is. You will see that a mural of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus has been left untouched from when it used to be a church and on either side there is beautiful arabic calligraphy with “Allah” on the right side and “Muhammad” pbuh on the left. I don’t know why but this really caught my heart, almost as if the mural has been left there as a sign of respect to all who love and believe in Mother Mary and baby Jesus, peace be upon them both.

As you walk on past the Hagia Sofia, you will find the tombs of the Sultans behind Hagia Sofia, a very peaceful place.

Free entry but modest dress is required.

Day 2:

The second day was all about the amazing Topkapi Palace. Full of fascinating courtyards, many different purpose built ornate buildings and surrounded bu glorious views of the grand Bosporous sea.

It costs 95TL (£13.50) p/person including a visit to the harem- which is well worth it!

Part of the “Harem” which housed the Sultans private chambers and bedrooms.

The palace also has a privy chamber, this is where Prophets peace be upon them and sahabas (r.a) artefacts are kept including Prophet Muhammad SAW beard hairs, sword and tooth.

It also houses the swords of all 4 caliphs as well as the companions Ammar, Jafar and Khalid bin Walids (ra) swords. On display is also Prophet Dawud AS sword, Prophet Musa AS stick Prophet Yahya AS imama and arm armour. Bibi Fatima r.a clothes and Hadhrat Hussain r.a clothes, but unfortunately no photography is allowed so below is a picture of the exterior.

Day 3:

On the third day of my stay I decided to visit the Prince Islands- just off the coast of Istanbul. About an hour and a half journey, I took the local ferry from Eminonu ferry station which only costs about £1.50 for return in comparison to €25 charged by tour agents! Do not be fooled! Its a comfortable ride that gets you to your destination, you can even but hot/cold drinks on board and it still wont burn a big hole in your pocket!

Above you see the quaint little island of Buyukada – the largest of the Prince Islands.

Day 4:

On the fourth day of my visit I discovered this hidden gem of a place called the Museum of Turkish and Islamic arts.

What a fantastic place! SubhanAllah!

There are majestic, handwoven rugs and the most gorgeous rosewood furniture inlaid with precious pieces of mother-of-pearl work displayed. I loved this place, I could’ve spent way longer then I actually did and even then I was there for quite some time!

The entry fee is 35TL (£5) p/person, definitely well worth a visit!

Huge, handwritten and beautifully ornate holy Qurans at the Museum of Turkish and Islamic Arts. It also houses some amazing sacred Islamic artefacts including many beard hairs of our beloved Prophet SAW , pieces of the cloth from the Holy Kabah, hand written Quran pages, entire Qurans and books of seerah from 7th century onwards and a lot more. A lot more peaceful then Topkapi Palace- so great place to study and appreciate the sacred artefacts in a peaceful and quiet environment.

Above you can see “The Damascus Documents” (historical handwritten pages of the Quran) at the Museum of Turkish and Islamic arts.

Day 5:

I visited the mosque of Hadhrat Abu Ayub Ansari r.a. He was a companion of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Free to enter, modest dress required.

Outside the tomb of Hadhrat Abu Ayub Ansari r.a. A peaceful place, astoundingly reminded me a lot if the Holy city of Madina. Even though there were many many visitors, there seemed to be a covering of calm over the entire area, a very spiritual and life reflecting place.

May Allah swt grant all our beloved deceased forgiveness and bless them with Paradise- aameen.

Day 5:

Up on a hill is the grand Suleymaniye Mosque. A structure showcasing magnificent and awesome architecture-definitely worth a visit. It is free to enter but as it is a place of worship modest dress is required.

Around the corner is The Grand Bazaar where all your souvenir and shopping needs can be met- but do make sure you bargain! Start with a third of price asked and only pay up to half of original price and no more! It takes some skill but you will get there inshaAllah!

All in all, Istanbul is a beautiful city full of history and mystery. There is so much to see and experience, great for the youth as well as adults. There are many hotels within walking distance of the main sights and delicious reasonably priced halal food available everywhere. P.s if you are a cat lover, you will love Istanbul on another level!

I ❤️ Istanbul.

Please note all photographs are owned by modernmuslimahmusings.com and cannot be used without permission.

Musings of a Mother | Children & Ramadhan

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بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah I was asked to do a talk at a conference recently about how to motivate children about Ramadhan. So I did some research and put together a power point in preparation and thought it would be great to share it in a article format on here for others to access and  benefit from inshaAllah. I hope it makes it a little easier for mothers like myself to have relevant and useful information and ideas all in one place rather then having to scroll through pages and pages of the google search engine, especially if they are doing this for the very first time inshaAllah.

FOCUS

Question: How can we encourage children to make the most of Ramadhan? (In a easy, not too time consuming and inexpensive way!)

1) BEHAVIOUR

2) LEARNING

3) FUN!

But first…

INTENTIONS

It is narrated on the authority of Umar bin al-Khattab (RA), who said:

“I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW), say”:

“Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended. Whoever migrates with an intention for Allah and His messenger, the migration will be for the sake of Allah and his Messenger. And whoever migrates for worldly gain or to marry a woman, then his migration will be for the sake of whatever he migrated for.“

Related by Bukhari & Muslim

INTENTION+MOTHERHOOD=IBADAH

A good action with the wrong intention will not get us any reward in the Hereafter.

But every little action we do such as changing nappies, feeding our children, even playing with them, if it is done with the intention of attaining Allah (swts) pleasure then we will be rewarded.

Therefore looking after our families is an act of ibadah.

1) BEHAVIOUR

…Think about your child/rens behaviour…

Q. What do you think needs to change/improve?

1) Behaviour – some examples…

  • co-operate with siblings
  • more charitable
  • be polite with siblings
  • be more helpful
  • share with others
  • follow instructions
  • practice the sunnah more
  • less screen time
  • compliment others more
  • be more organised

1)BEHAVIOUR – HOW? DAILY DEED POT (all ages)

Have a pot/box/envelope (whatever works for you) and have different “deeds” written on strips of paper inside. Pull out a strip each day and do the deed (this is also great for adults too). For ready to cut out deeds, visit:

http://intheplayroom.co.uk/2015/06/09/30-days-of-good-deeds-for-a-ramadan-jar/

1)BEHAVIOUR – HOW? ACCOUNTABILITY (all ages)

At the end of the day, get you child to “account” for each day, to self-reflect on how their day was.

1.What was good about it?

2.What could they have done better?

Note: this is something we should also be doing, so why not try to instil this from a young age?

1) BEHAVIOUR – HOW? ACCOUNTABILITY (all ages)

  • Diary
  • Post its pinned onto a board
  • Discussion
  • Evaluation worksheets
  • Routine/behaviour charts
  • Sticker charts and stickers

2) LEARNING

…Think about your child/rens learning…

Q. What do you want them to learn in Ramadan?

2)LEARNING – Some examples…

  • Fasting
  • Seerah
  • Recitation of Quran
  • Learning Arabic
  • Learning about zakah
  • Memorisation of duas/surahs
  • Learning about Laylatul Qadr
  • Modest dress/hijab
  • Correcting their tajweed
  • Learning about salah
  • Practising their salah
  • Learning about the revelation of the Quran

2)LEARNING

Choose 1 area and focus on that all the way through Ramadan or choose 3 areas and focus on each every 10 days:

Eg: for my 6 year old son:

First 10 days: Fasting

Next 10 days: Salah

Last 10 days: Laylatul Qadr

Or if you are feeling really ambitious, do focus on something different each day?!!

2)LEARNING – HOW? BOOKS/STORYTELLING

https://www.azharacademy.com/Scripts/default.asp

http://www.muslimchildrensbooks.co.uk/

https://www.simplyislam.com/products/kids-corner/Children-Books

http://www.kubepublishing.com/children/

2)LEARNING – HOW? WEBSITES

http://www.kiddyhouse.com/Ramadan/

http://www.primarygames.com/holidays/ramadan/games.htm

http://www.islamicplayground.com/scripts/prodview.asp?idproduct=60

These and other websites include stories, games, tasks, wordsearch, nasheeds, talks for children and much more!

2)LEARNING – HOW? SOME OTHER IDEAS…

1.SET A DAILY HALAQA TIME

2.AUTOMATIC REMINDERS ON GADGETS

3.SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

4.DUA/SURAH TICK LIST

5.AT THE MASJID

6.TALKS ONLINE (YOUTUBE)

7.COURSES THEY/YOU CAN ATTEND

3) FUN!!!

…Think about what your child/ren most enjoy…

Q. What fun ways can you use to inspire them in Ramadan?

3) FUN – Some examples…

SUPER EASY LITTLE EFFORT MORE EFFORT
COLOURING IN PLAY DOUGH RECYCLING
STORY WRITING PUZZLES HAND PRINTING
READING PUPPET PLAY MAKING PUPPETS
WRITING COLLAGE FOAM PRINTING
ONLINE GAMES ROLE PLAY FINGER PAINTING
MAKE BELIEVE RAMADAN/EID CARDS/DECORATIONS NO BAKE CLAY
WORKSHEETS BOARD GAMES CREATE A GAME

3) FUN – HOW?

ACTIVITY AND CRAFT IDEA BOOKS

http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=137

http://amuslimchildisborn.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/ramadan-activity-book-for-kids.html

WEBSITES WITH PLANNED ACTIVITIES AND IDEAS

http://modestmunchies.com/49-ways-to-get-kids-involved-in-ramadan/

https://jeddahmom.com/2015/06/printable-activities-and-crafts-for-ramadan/

WEBSITES WITH PRINTABLE WORKSHEETS

http://www.muslimkidsdigest.com/free-muslim-coloring-book-for-kids/

https://gb.education.com/worksheets/ramadan/

WEBSITES THAT SELL GAMES, TOYS AND PUZZLES ETC

http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=137

https://www.anafiya.com/collections/kids-islamic-toys

https://www.ibraheemtoyhouse.com/product-category/ramadan-2018/

http://darussalam.com/children-section/games-and-toys.html

DISCUSS IDEAS WITH FRIENDS/RELATIVES

IMPORTANT REMINDER…

A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).

Alhamdulillah sisters, we have been granted this great status and it is a blessing and honour, so use your blessed position to seek help from the One who has honoured you.

DUA! DUA! DUA! Ask help from Allah swt for EVERY little thing including being successful in motivating and encouraging our children, not just for Ramadhan but for the rest of their lives.

May Allah swt enable us to be the best we can be as parents to our children and empower our children to become the best of their generation. Aameen!

Please note I have not checked above websites in depth, I strongly advise you to do so before buying/trying etc.

Musings of a Muslimah | Divorce

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Recently I attended a short course where I bumped into an ex-student of mine from many years ago.

Her three younger sisters had also been students of mine.

I saw her arrive and as I always do with all my ex-students, looked forward to catching up with her once the course ended.

I approached her and joked if she still remembered me. After asking about how she was I moved onto asking about her sisters. I had remembered that one had married abroad a few years ago and enquired about her.

She looked a little embarrassed to answer, her cheeks blushing, her tone of voice changing and quietly said, “shes ok…she got divorced and came back”. I almost had to lip read it was that quiet…

Honestly, I didn’t flinch, in all my years of teaching and volunteering I don’t really think theres anything that fazes me anymore, but to be honest, why should it? It is not my business and it should not be anyone else’s.

I just responded with further questions about children and was so happy to hear her sister had two, mashaAllah.

I said my salaams and left to speak with others. Later on, I was musing about our conversation and remembering how embarrassed she was.

In reflection, I wish I had said something more to her about it, I wish I had spoken up and said, “don’t feel embarrassed, sometimes there just is no other way and its for the best”.

But “would’ve, should’ve or could’ve said” is pointless if its not said in the right moment.

My point is when we hear of others in such situations, we need to do less to make them feel like outcasts and more to make them feel empowered.

No one chooses divorce easily and though its not an ideal for most families, Islamically its usually a last resort and necessary for all parties involved.

So why is it that families are embarrassed if a member gets divorced? Or that communities make it ok to treat a divorcee as an outcast especially when it comes to remarrying?

If we believe we are all descendants of Prophet Adam A.S and Hawa A.S, this makes us brothers and sisters in humanity and that makes US responsible for each OTHER, so why do we make some individuals lives miserable simply due to their marital status, sometimes not even stopping at the individual but also labelling their families.

This leads me to share another incident that occurred a few days later, and that was of a friend sharing with me how she had received a promising marriage proposal only to have turned it down after her beloved mother was “interrogated” by the grooms mother as to why she was divorced!

SubhanAllah! I mean really!? What has her mothers marital status got to do with her own prospective marriage? I really thought that times have changed and that the stigma attached to divorce was disappearing.

Unfortunately no.

I was devastated to see the effect it had on my friend and her beloved mother, and though her mother said she expected it from people, I don’t see how those questions were acceptable.

Islam allows for divorce when marriages are no longer working as marriages and there are clear guidelines provided which are meant to give justice with kindness between the parties involved in a fair and civil manner.

However, communities just love rubbing it in, don’t they? Its like a stain that in their eyes can never be washed away but that is the peoples way of looking at it and not from our beautiful teachings in our religion of Islam at all.

Alhamdulillah for Islam, and alhamdulillah for the Holy Quran and the clear prophetic guidance that has been granted to us.

May Allah swt make us of those He swt is pleased with, enable us to treat others in the way that pleases Him swt the most, that is with love, open minds, understanding and kindness. Aameen.

Musings on “me” time.

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I am a mother of three young children, I have a stressful job as a teacher, I have various other family responsibilities on a weekly basis and I have hardly any time to myself.

If I do find some time during the week after the children have gone to bed and the chores are done for the day (well most of them)… I find that I am usually torn between some type of screen time or sleep.

The latter ALWAYS takes over and wins because like a lot of busy working mothers I am absolutely shattered. The word “exhausted” sometimes seems like understatement of the year!

However, today I was treated to a lie in (subhanAllah I cannot remember the last time I actually had one). I woke up to a quiet home, I was able to shower without anyone interrupting me or asking “how long I was going to be?”, I was able to perform my afternoon prayers in peace without a little one climbing over me or trying to get my attention. I ate breakfast without anyone wanting me to share with them and I am now sitting with my feet up writing this blog post.

What I have just described, many take for granted. Once upon a time, before marriage, I also took these simple things for granted. After marriage, in my early motherhood years when I did get some “me” time I would be consumed with guilt. It felt as if every single minute of my life was reserved for my family or work.

But after 13 years I have learned that if I don’t look after myself I wont be able to look after those I am responsible for effectively either.

Whilst some people might think “me” time has to be a luxurious bubble bath, a day at some spa or some pre-planned extravagant treat, for me it is the above and I relish every moment of it.

“Me” time is different for everyone and in order to achieve it sometimes the help of family or friends is needed. I am grateful alhamdulillah, that I have a husband who “fathers up” and does his thing so that I can do mine, mashaAllah.

This is the true beauty of Islam, it teaches us that EVERYONE has an important role to play and if both husband and wife understand this and work towards it then it will help the whole family to thrive in the long-run inshaAllah.

May Allah swt reward all husbands who understand and follow the way of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Aameen.

In Islam we are taught that our bodies are a trust from Allah swt and they also have a right over us which means we have to look after our physical, mental and emotional state in order to live a quality of life that is enjoyable and effective as servants of our Creator Allah swt.

We all work hard and we deserve rest and in fact if we think about it, it is actually an Islamic right that we are fulfilling so lets not feel guilty about it inshaAllah.

Alhamdulillah for all our blessings, in every changing phase of our lives we shouldn’t take anything for granted including “me” time, so enjoy it- whatever it is inshaAllah!

Family holiday to Spain : Day 1

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So we all woke up bright and early, left on time, checked in and went to board the flight and were told we had missed our flight! 

I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing…I actually thought I had not woken up and was having some sort of nightmare, I had to check that I was awake and that this was happening. 

To top it all, just looking at my children’s deeply disappointed faces was the tipping point for me and I shed a few tears. 

SubhanAllah, you hear about these things happening to other people but when it happens to you it just seems so surreal.

Believe me when I tell you that planning, preparing and packing for a family with three young children is no easy task. My instant thought was this cant be happening. My second thought was how did this happen? And my third was how much money are we going to lose? (Yes, you guessed it, quite a bit). ‎

اِنّا لِله وَاِنّا اِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُوْن

Then we waited over 3 hours at the customer services desk while my husband and I took turns to look after the children, mainly the youngest who was very quickly starting to lose his patience. 

It. Was. Not. Easy.

We were tired, the queue was neverending, we were surrounded by really annoyed people, the children were really upset , our youngest kept having a meltdown every 10 minutes that lasted for about 20 minutes…

It was a real test of patience.

Alhamdulillah, all glory is to Allah swt, we made it to the front of the counter and managed to rebook for tickets to fly out inshaAllah in two days time, and as we were going to go for two weeks, inshaAllah it would still be ok. 

We made our way home after about 5 hours at the airport accompanied by a toddler tantrum that lasted three quarters of the way. 

Thumping headache – understatement of the year…

However, as I write this, it makes me think about all the positives…subhanAllah you probably think there aren’t any after that! But alhamdulillah I would like to share them inshaAllah and I hope these words might resonate the next time you are going through a hardship. More importantly I hope they become engrained in my own memory as a reminder.

1. When we were initially told we had missed our flight, neither of us blamed each other. You might think well “why would you?”, but usually in challenging situations the “blame game” always gets played. Alhamdulillah this time it didnt and I think this set the foundation of utmost patience during this testing time.

2. When we had to queue up at the customer services, we took turns and worked as a team to see to the needs of the children. In this way not only did we manage to sort out our tickets but also managed to get all our luggage back quite quickly (others who had been with us had still not found their luggage hours later). Again you might think “isn’t that what anyone else would do?”. Well yes, probably but in some cases some couples might argue and out of vengeance make each others lives a little more difficult. 

3. I think out of all of this the financial hit on us has been the worse part but as I explained to the husband (I surprised myself by saying this quite soon after we were told), that this is all from Allah swt. At the end of the day, as muslims if we believe in Qadr/destiny then we have to accept that this is all part of Allah swt’s plans for us, and even though we don’t understand it, we have to believe that there is goodness in this situation, short term and long term. This reminder helped him but deep down I think I was saying it to myself, and I feel that it was this that kept me calm and patient throughout this ordeal.

4. Coincidentally, we made an agreement yesterday, and it was basically that  no matter what happens we will not get into an argument of any sort this holiday. Now again, you might think “why does that even need to be said in a marriage, its natural right?”. When we made the agreement, we were applying it to actually being on holiday, getting there was assumed. However, perhaps having said those words and made that agreement actually helped to remind and reinstate something that is always taken for granted especially in marriage. But lets face it, we can all do with reminders, and thats not just reminding our spouses but actually ourselves! 

5. As muslims, we believe that sometimes hardships and trials are averted through the giving of charity, or someones dua/prayer for you and ultimately Allah swt’s mercy. I really do believe that something much worse and perhaps unthinkable was averted and instead we were put through this test, a test more bearable. As I mentioned this to my husband, I also said that, the day you find out what danger was averted, you’ll wish that you hadn’t complained at all and you will feel grateful for it.

6. Lastly, if anything, I would like to hope that this experience has strengthened our marriage more inshaAllah. And more importantly I would like to hope that this trial and challenging experience has strengthened our imaan and relationship with Almighty Allah swt. 

And if that is the case inshaAllah, then it was worth every single tear shed, tantrum thrown, extra expenses and moments of difficulty.

Alhamdulillah!

اللَّهُمَّ لَا سَهْلَ إِلَّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلًا ، وَأَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلًا

Transliteration : allaahumma laa sahla illaa maa ja‛altahu sahlan, wa anta taj‛al-ul-ḥazna idhaa shi’ta sahlan

Translation : O Allah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make the difficulty, if You wish, easy.

Aameen

Sources: Ibn Hibban in his Sahih #327 and Ibn As-Sunni #351.

I look forward to sharing our holiday  experiences with you soon inshaAllah. 

Birthdays

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To celebrate or not? 

I have found fragments of evidence that suggest my parents did celebrate our birthdays with small family gatherings and home made cakes.

However, as we grew older and my parents became more interested in Islam, the notion that birthdays were not a celebration from Islam were embedded into us and we were deprived of further celebratory gatherings and more importantly cake!

Not that we minded much, but at times it did pinch a little especially in my teen years when friends would talk about gifts received or birthday treat outings.

However, as I got older and became more interested in Islam I began to appreciate that birthdays were far from celebratory events. If anything, for me personally, they became and still are dates of regret, where I ponder and question myself, another year past, another 365 days gone, what have I achieved? How often did I please my Creator in those 8760 hours? 

And the day passing usually becomes a reminder of my death date approaching nearer and my life getting shorter.

I know… so depressing, right? But so morbidly truthful.

People who do celebrate and go all out may argue that its quite the opposite, a day of reflection on how much has been achieved. 

Nope. Not convinced at all.

However, since my children have become a little older and understand the concept of birthdays, I didnt want to deprive them completely.

We still do not celebrate but we always make a point of making a really BIG deal on the two Eid celebrations of Eid-Ul-Adha and Eid-Ul-Fitr. 

Another idea I had about a year ago was the idea of marking their birthday dates with a fundraising project. 

Seeing as none of us could get away with being reminded its our birthday via family, friends and society, I thought why deny it? Why pretend it doesn’t exist? 

“Ok so yes your birthday is coming up…so lets do something special for someone else…”. 

After all, as muslim, we should appreciate and be grateful for all Allah swt had blessed us with and given us, why not give something back? As we know, for muslims, charity is a huge part of our faith.

“Believe in Allaah and His Messenger (Muhammad), and spend of that whereof He has made you trustees. And such of you as believe and spend (in Allaah’s way), theirs will be a great reward”
[al-Hadeed 57:7] 

I also think I was being a little selfish when I thought up this idea, I hope that inshaAllah my children will use these times of the year to do something (big or small) for charity as a habit which inshaAllah will become a sadaqah jariyah, a continued charity for us, their parents even after we have left this life. 

Don’t get me wrong, I mean I wouldn’t stop my children from partaking in other peoples birthday gatherings (that would be just cruel) and I have nothing personal against anyone who does celebrate but I really believe that by explaining our beliefs to our children and then finding a more meaningful alternative will really enrich their lives inshaAllah. And that they will attain Allah swt’s pleasure and reward for themselves and inshaAllah for us their parents!

If you are interested in doing a charity project with your children (either as an alternative to birthdays or just because…) then here are some ideas to get you started inshaAllah:

1. Bake some goodies together and gift them to your neighbours (muslim and non-muslim). Not only is this a charity in terms of kindness but it will increase love and understanding within the community. Or have a mini bake sale and donate money to charity.

2. Get the children to ask family and friends to donate money for a local charity or food shelter, then take the children shopping and get them to donate that food. When children experience hands on the collection, buying and donating of food and groceries, they will appreciate the cost of things and also come to understand that poverty is not restricted to “other poorer countries”. SubhanAllah so many people are living below the poverty line in our own cities, we should do what we can to help them too.

3. Create a online charity fundraising page via one of the many online charity pages such as btmydonate, justgiving or crowdfunding. And get the children to collect funds or encourage people to donate directly online.

4. Go litter picking with the children and encourage family and friends to help too(wearing appropriate and protective clothing ofcourse). Not only is this a charitable act but its also great for the environment and also a great form of dawah too!

5. Discuss and agree an activity with your child/children that they would like to do, it could be educational such as memorise a dua, surah or prayer, or a challenge such as a 24 hour silence or even something fun such as dress up as something and do a mile walk. Then encourage family and friends to sponsor them and then donate.

6. Get your children to ask friends and family to donate money and buy toys and gifts, make home made get well cards or cards with comforting messages and get them to gift them to a local hospital, hospice or care home.

7. Make a “sadaqah/charity” box and encourage your children to save money the whole year round, and donate to a particular charity or buy needed items for someone in need and gift it to them.

 It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah said: ‘Spend, O son(people) of Adam, and I shall spend on you.’” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5073; Muslim, 993. 

I hope these ideas help and if you look online you are bound to find many more! Just remember no effort is too small, you will be teaching your children the invaluable lesson of being generous and selfless, your bond with your children will strengthen by doing something as a family project and they will learn life lessons that will continue to benefit them, you and future generations inshaAllah.  

May Allah swt enable us to love, nurture and teach our children in a way that is best for them and us and in a way that benefits us all in this life and the Hereafter. 
Aameen.

Slow down! 

~ modernmuslimahmusings ~ Leave a comment

I don’t understand why some parents are so impatient for their little ones to grow up? “Cant wait until he’s weaned… Can’t wait until she’s walking…Can’t wait until he starts school…Can’t wait until she graduates…”
Feels like yesterday we were dreaming and hoping for each one of ours…
Feels like yesterday I had each one close to my heart, two hearts beating in one body…
Feels like yesterday we brought each one home from the hospital…
Everything feels like yesterday…
They are growing too fast….way too fast…
Wish ours would stay as they are…
☹️

May Allah swt enable us all to enjoy and appreciate every single moment (easy and challenging) with our children and love and nurture them in the way Allah swt wants us to and is most pleased with. Aameen!

Dolls and Daughters.

~ modernmuslimahmusings ~ 1 Comment


So I finally gave in to my 9 year old daughter yesterday when I bought her one of these “hijabibarbie” type dolls. 

For about the last three years or so I had refused to buy her one and had hoped she would “grow” out of wanting one. In my mind I didn’t want her growing up with this particular image of how she should look (she has far too many “idealistic images” already bombarding her via media and advertising!).

Don’t get me wrong she has her fair share of ragdolls, homemade style crocheted cuddly dolls and various others. Just not the tall, blonde, slim, fair, red lipped, out of proportion, plastic “barbie” types.

The other day however, we were out having a “mother and daughter” day and she saw some.

As expected she instantly spinned around , looked at me with her innocent little face and pleaded me with those lovely eyes of hers, mashaAllah laquwata illa billah.

If you’re a parent/ aunt/ uncle/ grandparent/ older sibling or anyone who spends time with young children then I’m pretty sure you know EXACTLY what I am talking about! 

My instant reaction was the same it has been on many occasions before- an immediate “dont even think about it!”

The poor girl was so confused as we walked away but this time a few steps later she demanded an explainaition.

“But WHY? Why do you hate these dolls?”

I looked at her and thought its time, she deserves an explainaition.

“Well, I just dont want you to think this is how you should look as you get older.”

“What do you mean?”, she looked genuinely confused.

“Well, i just dont want you to grow up thinking that this is how you should look- you know…with light skin, blue eyes or a skinny and very tall body and legs, because thats just not how Allah swt has made you and you shouldnt feel you need to be a certain way. You might end up feeling ungrateful towards Him amd you might not be happy with yourself”, I explained with a sense of responsibility maintaining eye contact the whole way through, a real serious look on my face. 

Well the look on her face was… well imagine the look a person might give when they think you have completely “lost the plot”.

“Mummy….”

“Yes darling?.”

“Its just a doll… Im just going to play with it, its just a toy!”, her “lovely” eyes rolling.

“Ok well if you put that way…”.

And so she got her doll, surprisingly they had different “shades” of dolls and ofcourse it helped that the doll was appropriately covered. 

However, this whole experience made me question my parenting. 

Had I been too harsh in my decisions of the past? 

Should I have had this conversation sooner to check her understanding? 

Had my failure in this aspect of parenting deprived her of many hours of fun?

Had my overthinking and protectiveness deprived my dear daughter part of a “normal” childhood experience?

One thing was for sure, I had underestimated that my daughter is now at an age where her sense of logic and intelligence has developed way more then I realised and it has since made me realise that I need to “discuss” issues more openly with her if I am to know what she actually thinks rather then just “lay down the law” and assume she wont understand. 

Another parenting lesson learnt. 

Our keys to Jannah…inshaAllah

~ modernmuslimahmusings ~ 2 Comments

‎بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

Yet again another anniversary. An anniversary that no one will celebrate, perhaps not even remember, not even know of. 

There are three every year.

Three days of the year when I would quietly mourn just for while.

In the past I have shared ahadith, quotes and poetry written by others to express these feelings but today I write my own. 


Our Three Keys.

As the days of the times each of you left would draw near, I used to feel dread and shed many many heartbroken tears.

At times I hadnt even realised that its THAT day. Until I realised.

Memories emerging always seemed to creep in fast. Blurring my mind and heart with visions of that painful past. 

As that day would draw near, every blur in my mind and smear in my heart would become crystal clear.

Always affecting me with pains deep into the pit of my stomach and cramps crawling down into my back. Empty mind and hollow heart.

Every time. One. Two. Three. 

Three times. Every year. 

But I learnt. 

I learnt about the beauty of our faith. 

Where a painful loss is a beautiful gain. 

Where for even a prick of a thorn sins are forgiven. Losing each of you was so much more than that, and for that I know so much more we will be given.

The deeper the loss the more worthy the gain. The prize much more vast than this worthless worlds pain.

A reward our eyes cannot see, a reward indescribable by our limited speech. 

A bounty too big for our small minds, a honour too great for our sin filled hearts. And yet it is there. 
Awaiting us.

Three promises from the One who created everything. 

Even though we are His disobedient slaves so sinful, He is the Knower of All, He is the All Merciful.

Even though you all left us each time without a single cry,  a single smile or word. 

On that Day your very first words will be for us! And the First to hear you will be the One who hears everything!

Your very first actions will be screening us against the Fire. Our three delicate shields strong against the raging flames. Our protection will be your only desire!
Your very first steps you will take when you are told, “Enter your parents into Paradise” and it will be the best you all will ever do for us. Not a single thing in this world equates to this and not the world and everything it contains. Nothing. 

And now when those days descend upon me, I silently shed a tear or three. 

These tears are a reminder of the rewards that await us like the rainbow after a storm, and now instead of emptiness my heart is filled with joy.

No more blurred mind. No more smeared heart. One day, a new life, our forever fresh start. 

Just waiting to be with you three. Him and they and us is all that matters to me. InshaAllah.

Author: http://www.modernmuslimahmusings.com

References:

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah upon him, said, “Indeed the miscarried fetus will confront his Lord if He enters his parents into the Fire. So it will be said to him, “O fetus which confronts his Lord! Enter your parents into Paradise.” So he will drag them by his [umbilical] cord until he enters them into Paradise.” [Ibn Majah]

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah upon him, said, “By the One in Whose hands is my soul, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother to paradise by his [umbilical] cord if she was patient [with the miscarriage], hoping to be rewarded.” [Ahmad]
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The death of one of one’s children is a screen against the Fire, and the same applies to miscarriage, and Allaah knows best. Al-Majmoo’, 5/287; see also Haashiyat Ibn ‘Aabideen, 2/228 

It is narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, the Mother of Believers may Allaah be pleased with her that she said: The Messenger of Allaah , said: “No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allaah Expiates some of his sins because of it, even if it is a prick he receives from a thorn.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It is further narrated on the authority of Abu Sa‘eed Al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with them that the Prophet , said: “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah Expiates some of his sins because of that.” [Al-Bukhari]